Taliban rear-ended by Toyota recall

Taliban defectors near Kunduz, Afghanistan on November 24, 2001 (Sion Touhig/Getty)

Taliban defectors near Kunduz, Afghanistan on November 24, 2001 (Sion Touhig/Getty)

Why is America spending billions on high-tech missiles, when all it needs to wipe out the Taliban is a defective brake pedal?

Toyota pickups are the favorite vehicle of the Taliban. Bigshots like Bin Laden – at least when he wasn’t hiding in a cave – get Land Cruisers. Rank-and-file suicide fodder make do with the Hilux (known as the Toyota Tacoma in the U.S.).  As a Toyota spokesman told the New York Times in 2001, “It is not our proudest product placement. But it shows that the Taliban are looking for the same qualities as any truck buyer: durability and reliability.”

Oh, boy, the Talliban are not going to be happy over the Toyota recall. Bouncing along  goat tracks whil dodging Hellfire missiles is hard enough on brakes. But shoddy manufacturing? The mujahideen are not the sort of customers to be pacified by a form-letter apology and a $50 coupon good toward their next Toyota purchase.

I’m sure the superspooks in the CIA are already working on the possibilities. They could dispatch teams around the world to retrieve Ford Pintos, and arrange to have them shipped to Afghanistan. No need to use bombs when the car sets itself on fire! And what about all those defective Chinese tires? Let’s see Osama Bin Laden try to escape on four flats.

Come to think of it, China could be our biggest asset in Afghanistan. They’ve got plenty of shoddy goods to spare. And when China can’t provide, there’s always good old made-in-America. Want to sabotage Taliban laptops? Arrange for a shipment of early Windows Vista installation disks to fall into their hands.

What’s your idea? What defective consumer goods can we use to win the War on Terror?

This entry was posted in Defense, Foreign Affairs, War and Peace and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

1 Response to Taliban rear-ended by Toyota recall

  1. Joshua Sophy says:

    Toyota owners must seek justice. The company has run afoul of the law and shown absolutely no regard for the safety of their customers.

    Toyota led a dizzying array of misdirections and lies and despite all the recalls and public apologies, must answer for its actions in court.

    If you own a Toyota, you have a right to be there. Please visit this site to learn more about the company’s lies and denials spanning nearly a decade and what you can do as an owner: http://www.toyota-class-action-lawsuit.com/

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