Why is America spending billions on high-tech missiles, when all it needs to wipe out the Taliban is a defective brake pedal?
Toyota pickups are the favorite vehicle of the Taliban. Bigshots like Bin Laden – at least when he wasn’t hiding in a cave – get Land Cruisers. Rank-and-file suicide fodder make do with the Hilux (known as the Toyota Tacoma in the U.S.). As a Toyota spokesman told the New York Times in 2001, “It is not our proudest product placement. But it shows that the Taliban are looking for the same qualities as any truck buyer: durability and reliability.”
Oh, boy, the Talliban are not going to be happy over the Toyota recall. Bouncing along goat tracks whil dodging Hellfire missiles is hard enough on brakes. But shoddy manufacturing? The mujahideen are not the sort of customers to be pacified by a form-letter apology and a $50 coupon good toward their next Toyota purchase.
I’m sure the superspooks in the CIA are already working on the possibilities. They could dispatch teams around the world to retrieve Ford Pintos, and arrange to have them shipped to Afghanistan. No need to use bombs when the car sets itself on fire! And what about all those defective Chinese tires? Let’s see Osama Bin Laden try to escape on four flats.
Come to think of it, China could be our biggest asset in Afghanistan. They’ve got plenty of shoddy goods to spare. And when China can’t provide, there’s always good old made-in-America. Want to sabotage Taliban laptops? Arrange for a shipment of early Windows Vista installation disks to fall into their hands.
What’s your idea? What defective consumer goods can we use to win the War on Terror?